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A Day in the Life of Me

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16th October 2007

11:19pm: It has been a while...
I can't believe I haven't written a journal entry since I got home from GSP. I had basically forgotten all about LJ until I got an email saying I had a reply to a post. Reading old entries was interesting after such a long time.

Anyway, a lot has changed since my last entry. I survived senior year and finally decided to go to Butler University in Indianapolis, IN. This was possibly the best decision I have ever made. Sure it is 4 hours from home, but I am totally okay with that. The only time I have been homesick is when I got to listen to my 2 month old nephew coo baby noises over the phone...but I got to spend four days with him on fall reading break last weekend!

Butler is an amazing school with great academics, plenty of opportunities for students to try new things, and awesome people. One downer, there is one boy to every two girls. They say you meet your husband in college...so that leaves half of the girls here SOL. There are lots of nice, good-looking guys here...so I can't complain. I am having a great time meeting new people and partying it up. My classes are cake, except Advanced Gen Chem...it is killing me. My Theatre Voice Class is awesome and my teacher is hilarious. My English seminar professor is incredible. Tomorrow he is speaking in downtown Indy about the book that he translated from Russian/edited and is opening up for sale at Barnes & Noble nationwide. He knows more languages than I knew existed and is well versed in religion and philosophy. In all, he is the most spectacular human being that I have ever met!

I have had a few crazy college experiences and I am still getting used to college life. However, I am just enjoying the ride. The worst part, I haven't seen the people that I was closest with in high school in two months. I don't even talk to them for the most part. My Markie-Poo fell of the face of the planet...and Meg has recently gone MIA. I'm completely confused about other relationships and could actually care less about others.

I'm not sure where my life is headed, but I can honestly say that I am having a great time getting there.
Current Mood: calm

23rd July 2006

12:02pm: Home isn't where the Heart is!
I may be home, but my heart is not here. My heart is back at Bellarmine, with Alex, with Chelsea, with Wiggles, with Kevin, with Steven, with Sarah (all three of them), with Insha, with Rebecca, with Jordan, and a million other places around Kentucky. I woke up this morning ready to find my friends and play some Presidents or Euchre, but there was no one to find. I didn't get to say that many goodbyes, and that made me really sad. Most people left early, and by the time I got back from lunch, many of them were gone. I could already tell that it was going to be difficult and different going back "home" when I was out at lunch. My mom told me I was a 'different' child and my other family looked at me strangely because I am so much more opinionated now. They all referred to GSP as "school", not as another home or a family...which may have been the biggest misunderstanding. They do not realize that I have a family that they don't know and that GSP was way more than "school."

I am almost afraid to go visit my friends here because I'm afraid of their response to my changed personality. I'm afraid that they won't understand that I am the same person but still a differnt version. They know the before and the after, but didn't get to see the process of change at GSP, and I'm afraid they won't understand. I love my friends, but I feel that a part of me is missing and it can only be filled by my second family.

If you are reading this and are my GSP family- I miss you so much already! I love you guys more than anything in this world and can't wait to see you again. Don't forget me and don't be a stranger. Call me, email me, comment me, etc. Others may not understand what has happened this past five weeks, but we have each other! I love you.

If you are reading this and are one of my friends at home- I love you and have missed you a lot. I can't wait to get to see you in person! We are going to have a great senior year, ruling the school!

Well, I will stop rambling now! Love to everyone!

19th July 2006

12:39pm: Sleep Out
Monday night a majority of the GSP Scholars at my campus staged a student-lead "sleep out" to raise awareness for the Invisible Children campaign I mentioned in a previous post. We walked around campus to understand (on a very small scale) what the children have to go through in Uganda. Then we discussed how to spread awareness in our hometowns and how not to get overwhelmed by this large issue. Most of us wrote letters to Senator McConnell about helping these children because he is a very powerful man in the United States Senate right now. Hopefully we receive a great response to our letters and our continuing efforts pay off.

After the serious conversation was over, Alex, Chelsea, Tyler, Matt, Jordan, Jon and I had fun. Mostly it was just me, Alex, Chelsea and Tyler. We had interesting conversations, discussed other serious issues and then Scuddled! I hope none of us have(to steal Alex's humorous acronym) STDs. Scuddled Transmitted Diseases!! It was a lot of fun and I made many memories that will last me a lifetime!
Current Mood: crazy

16th July 2006

4:57pm: Community Service Day
Yesterday was Community Service day here at GSP! I have to say that I lucked out with my service. Other people had to wade through sewage (Sorry Jessie), paint furniture (Kara), pull weeds, and/or hack through forests of thorns and undergrowth (Sorry Chelsea and Alex!). I got to go to a children’s service center and do activities with the boys there. Some of the boys are orphans, others just needed to leave a bad situation. The administrators told us that we could only have physical contact with the boys if we/the boys asked permission. When we hugged, we had to do a one-armed hug from the side because frontal hugs are too personal and some of the boys had been abused or had trust issues. Many of the other GSP people were uncomfortable with this, but I had a great time.

The girls got to volunteer with younger boys (ages 5-7ish) while the guys paired with older boys (8ish-18). We tie-dyed tee shirts with them and made paper airplanes; the older guys played dodgeball as well. The little boys were adorable, even though some were troublemakers. Keon was the cutest little boy with the biggest brown eyes! He was so well behaved and nice. Caleb was very quiet and made a beautiful shirt. Cody caused some trouble, but he was just trying to get attention. DA was too smart for his own good. Shrevon was loud, but nice. Maverick was hyperactive. Landen caused a little trouble, but he likes Star Wars and Superman! I may have forgotten some, but they were all sweethearts.
However, they did do some things that made me laugh. One boy asked a girl to “shake her booty.” Another called one of the boys gay and received the reply, “I don’t go around humping other boys!” I wasn’t even aware of “gay” and “booty” at five years old, but I suppose their situations are different. One of the boys showed us his teddy bear and Simba, while another showed me a picture of his older sister in her graduation cap and gown. It really touched me how sentimental they were.

The worst part was the way one of the workers acted while we were there. The guys that worked there were great with being the friend and disciplinarian, but there was one girl who really pissed me off. When we were making planes, she was talking rather loudly about a boy with cerebral palsy in a bad manner. She was complaining about having to help him wash, poor girl! I mean, I know the state is only supposed to send boys there who are self-sufficient, but who bad mouths a child in front of a group of volunteers and the rest of the kids? On top of that, she didn’t know any of the boys’ names…ridiculous! To make herself look better she stated in a ‘loud enough so that the volunteers can hear me so I don’t look like such a bitch’ manner, “This isn’t even my section of kids, but I suppose I should learn their names.” I wanted to yell, DAMN RIGHT!!! It was not a highlight of my day, but I got over it so I could enjoy my time with the boys.

After we made tee shirts and planes, we went to visit another group of boys. These boys were not so hyperactive and seemed a bit older. We all went in and read them books or had them read to us. When I walked in, people were reading, but there was one boy who was just hanging out in his room. I saw his name, Jeremiah, on the door, so I walked toward his room. I said hello from outside the door frame and noticed he was playing classic rock on his radio. We started talking and I convinced him to let me read him a book. He picked out The Librarian from the Black Lagoon. I read it to him and he laughed at my crazy voices, then he decided to read to me. He read Nocturnal Animals to me and made it very interesting. He couldn’t read quickly, but he got there after a while. The best part was him saying ‘Kanangaroo’ instead of ‘kangaroo’…too cute! We also talked about jazz and he told me about his cowboy boots before I had to leave. He gave me a hug and told me that he was happy I came to visit. Talk about getting a warm, fuzzy feeling! I learned so much from those little boys!

14th July 2006

4:20pm: Life-Altering Experience
It's the sense of touch. In any real city, you walk, you know? You brush past people, people bump into you. In L.A., nobody touches you. We're always behind this metal and glass. I think we miss that touch so much, that we crash into each other, just so we can feel something.
~Graham, Crash (2004)

Monday, July 10th, was a life-changing point of my life, directly altering my views of society and the world. I watched two films that made me think about my place and responsibility to others.

First, I watched Crash, a movie that speaks with brutal honesty of the duality and universal mentality of racism and stereotypes in America. It deservedly won the Oscar for Best Picture, upsetting the favored Brokeback Mountain, and for Best Screenplay. Few films have succeeded with what Crash accomplished perfectly. It focuses on several main characters (played by many amazing actors/actresses), flawlessly displaying their connections to each other and creating a suspense that prompts the viewer to analyze the action in depth. The script and cinematography were amazingly done, allowing the movie to flow and resemble the message. The soundtrack is probably one of my favorites, especially the song at the end, “In the Deep.”

However, the technicalities were not the best part of the piece, but additional benefits to the whole. It is an amazing film (not a feel good flick), but it is emotionally moving and eye-opening. I cried several times not because of usual sadness, but actual grief, overwhelming sympathy and the realization that the movie was completely accurate in its analysis of society. Starting and ending with a car accident, the movie shows the vicious cycle of racism in America, a land that was founded under the flag of tolerance. Each character in the movie plays a significant role and has his/her own stereotypical image of people of other races (African American, Caucasian, Arab, Asian, Mexican, Latino, etc.). These images and the sentiments that they create prompt every event in the film.

For example, the scene that begins the flashback in the film portrays the duality of racism perfectly. Two Black males are walking around a high-class White area talking about how they are constantly being type-cast as gangsters and thieves when a young White couple walks by. The woman pulls herself closer to her husband as they pass the Black men and avoid eye contact as they go to their car. The two men seem angry that they have been stereotyped, stating that in a White area, Black people are the ones who should be afraid. Suddenly, however, the two men ambush the White couple and steal their car at gun-point, therefore reinforcing the stereotype that had been placed upon them. This is a complicated scene that can be interpreted in many different ways, but it shows that the origin of racism is not an easy issue to explain.

The film is a tangled web of different instances like this one that reinforce, break, create, reassemble, and modify a person's views on racism as it plays out. I don't want to analyze the film because I think that each person should discover the meaning of the film for his/herself. I hate to say that the film does not leave you with one opinion or a resolution to the race issue, but I can promise that it will prompt you to think, discuss and discover your own. It is an unbelievable conversation-starter and radically changed my views on society as a whole. The points, comments and actions made by the characters are unforgettable and crave to be discussed.

If I could, I would make every person in the USA (or the World) watch this film in its entirety. Since I cannot, I will highly recommend it to anyone who wished to expand his/her horizons and challenge his/her beliefs. Some things I found particularly interesting about this film are listed below.

Tag line: “You think you know who you are. You have no idea.”

Plot Summary: Several stories interweave during two days in Los Angeles involving a collection of inter-related characters, a police detective with a drugged out mother and a thieving younger brother, two car thieves who are constantly theorizing on society and race, the white district attorney and his irritated and pampered wife, a racist white veteran cop (caring for a sick father at home) who disgusts his more idealistic younger partner, a successful Hollywood director and his wife who must deal with the racist cop, a Persian-immigrant father who buys a gun to protect his shop, a Hispanic locksmith and his young daughter who is afraid of bullets, and more.
Quotes: "They think we're Arab. When did Persian become Arab?"

"It's just black people demeaning other black people, using that word over and over. You ever hear white people callin' each other "honky" all the time? "Hey, honky, how's work?" "Not bad, cracker, we're diversifying!""
"Fuck you very much. Thanks for thinking of me."

"Anthony: Look around! You couldn't find a whiter, safer or better lit part of this city. But this white woman sees two black guys, who look like UCLA students, strolling down the sidewalk and her reaction is blind fear. I mean, look at us! Are we dressed like gang bangers? Do we look threatening? No. Fact, if anybody should be scared, it's us: the only two black faces surrounded by a sea of over-caffeinated white people, patrolled by the trigger-happy LAPD. So, why aren't we scared?
Peter: Because we have guns?
Anthony: You could be right.”

“Mom, I can't talk right now, I'm having sex with a white woman.”

“Cameron: It's about time you realize what it's like to be black.
Christine: Oh, and you're talking about being black? The closest you ever came to being black, Cameron, was watching the Cosby Show.
Cameron: Well, at least I didn't watch it with the rest of the equestrian team.”

Only a couple hours after watching Crash, I watched the documentary Invisible Children. This is a documentary made by three college guys who went to Sudan in search of the truth about the civil wars and other conflicts. What they ended up finding was a story of children who cannot sleep in their homes for fear of being kidnapped and turned into brainwashed killing machines.

Following the Sudanese refugees into Northern Uganda, the guys happened upon several characters that directed their journey. One woman took them to a bus terminal that was filled with thousands of children sleeping in the damp and dark with almost no food or clothing. Through various interviews with the children, the guys found out that the children are from rural areas and come to the city every night to escape abduction by the LRA.

The LRA (Lord's Resistance Army) is an extremist rebel faction that sends messages through violence. Though the governments of Sudan and Uganda do not support the rebels, LRA leader Joseph Kony maintains followers through religious rituals and fear. Some higher-ranking commanders have separated from him to engage in peace talks, but many fighters who've grown up in the LRA are hesitant to lay down arms because they fear reprisals from the community, and are uncertain of life in mainstream society. "The Bush" is all they know. Civilian and government negotiators have worked hard to assure the rebels that they will be welcomed home.

The LRA is fighting what a lot of people would consider a civil war against a government that has committed atrocities against the Acholi, Teso, and Langi, which are all tribes that make up a majority of Northern Uganda. The confusion begins here because the LRA is committing atrocities against the same people they are claiming to be liberating. They even use force to make impressionable young children become soldiers for their own cause. These children have no voice, no lives, and no independence. The purpose of Invisible Children was to make the public aware of this atrocity, so that they will help out this cause.

After watching the documentary and listening to the children's stories, I had mixed emotions. I was despaired to know that there were children forced to live in fear while Americans live in luxury. I was angry that the plight of the children is being overlooked by the news and other media. I grieved with a young boy who had lost his older brother to the LRA and had been forced to suppress his emotions by fear for his own life. When he cried, I cried. When he said that his heart will continue beeping, I was inspired.

In the face of life-threatening adversity, these children amazingly remained spirited and praised God every chance that they got. Their hope has made me appreciate all that I have been given and made me want to give back. To begin, I am doing my part to spread awareness of this issue and that there are places you can go to help out too. The website www.invisiblechildren.com is dedicated to spreading this message and provides DVDs and awareness ideas for the public. You can also make donations to the site to help the children. The owners of the site allow the public to freely use any graphics or stories to spread awareness by not copyrighting the material.

I and my peers plan to start an awareness campaign in my hometown to help the Invisible Children. We plan to provide showings of the documentary, to get our school/church involved and to raise money to send to the organization. I strongly urge everyone to help spread the word by writing mass emails, blogs, anything to let others know. If you want, copy this information and send it to everyone on your friends/buddies/email list or send them a link to it. You can contact Invisible Children by visiting the above website or going to their myspace page at www.myspace.com/invisiblechildren. Thank you so much for your time and for speaking on behalf of children who do not have voices of their own.

Rachel
Current Mood: contemplative

29th June 2006

6:21pm: A few things I forgot...
Let me add that JP is a hot piece of ass...that Matt is a one sexy guy with great hair...and that Bonnie is still a slut!

28th June 2006

6:37pm: GSP Rocks!!!
GSP is amazing...which is probably why I have been so busy that I haven't written a blog about it yet! There are so many great, intelligent people that I haven't had time to meet them all yet. I have already made several close friends and even a girlfriend *wink*. My roomie, Insha, is so easy to get along with because we are so similar. We probably have the cleanest room in any campus, and it smells the best too! Oh and let me add that our dorms are great too. One shower for four girls is way better than two for thirty girls. Savannah, my RA, is a sweetheart. She was sick on the very first night, but all of the girls on my floor are great and we didn't care.

Melanie, my twin, is hilarious and I love confusing people about our identities! Bonnie is a fluzy...just kidding...but really! Sarah and Sarah are crazy...one's a clown and one's just funny. (And I hate Texas) There are a couple of girls here from Girl's state...Erika, Allison, Miriam...and they are still cool. And last girl, but most certainly not least, Kara is my new girlfriend...it was just meant to be...but don't tell her boyfriend!

Let me see...next are the guys of GSP...and there are plenty of them. There are my two teachers, Frank (insane creative writing teacher) and Andrei (Russian-born International organizations teacher). There are also a couple of nice looking RAs but I couldn't begin to remember their names. There are the cool guys from my writing class...Matt, Stephen, Gabe, Steven, Kyle, and David. Then there are the cool guys from the other class...Chase, Tyler, Tyler, Ty, Nate, and Robbie. But then there are the guys I've met somehow, even though I don't really remember. Alex is hilarious...and I'm pretty sure that he doesn't like kids that make noise during Shakespeare! Plus, his last name is Priest...and he is definitely not one. There are also Matt and Nathan, they came along with Kara. And there's J.P. who has great buttons! Then there's another Matt...Melanie says he has cooties, but he seems cool and he has great shirts! I'm sure there are others, but how do I keep up with them all?

I do have to say that there are two downsides to GSP...the Game of Life and going home. Obviously, I am a functionally illiterate illegal immigrant lesbian...who knew? But at least I have my Green Card...and I'm disease free. And going home after being with the best and brightest in KY will be horrible...I don't wanna go home!!!!

Well, I suppose that's it...and if you are reading this...I love you and I'll write more later. Right now, I may end up engaging in a little Presidents and Jackasses...or maybe some ERS...who knows? *kisses*
Current Mood: content

27th December 2005

4:42pm: So Adorable
Everyone needs atleast a couple of these! They are so cute. I have dedicated the bunny to Mark! And the penguin to my Grandmother for having the awesome cookbook that gave me the name...even though I'm sure it wouldn't be as tasty with Penguin in it...


my pet!



my pet!
Current Mood: happy

24th December 2005

6:00am: Rare Form
I have decided it is a bad thing for me to not sleep but 7 hours in three days. Yet, I am doomed to repeat this same tragic mistake again tonight! It is 1 am and I'm not even tired yet...but there is a difference. Frustratingly, my msn is not functioning due to the fact that my internet explorer is not functioning, yet is set offline...don't ask me how. So I am using an old comp that is extremely slow and has no msn, yet works so i am thankful. Sadly, that means i can't IM anyone until it gets fixed. Maybe a good thing though that now I won't be tempted to not go to bed until 5 am. Of course...maybe I'll watch Finding Nemo in french to waste time...lmao...probably another don't ask...and it occurs to me...that you will probably ask anyway. Wow, I ramble when it's late...but atleast I'm not twangy...yet! Too early for that i suppose! Oh well...atleast I can leave messages on LJ and myspace!

Oh and Merry Christmas!!
Current Mood: indifferent

21st December 2005

1:28am: Fun Phrases
I had a random revelation today as I was making candy at my grandmother's house. I was looking through one of her many, many cookbooks and stumbled upon a recipe for desserts. However, it wasn't written correctly, and the misprint has become my new favorite G-Rated explitive! So post your favorite G-Rated explitive below and check back later for a good laugh! And mine is...

Fudgecookies!!!
Current Mood: giddy
1:24am: Oh, the UnMemories!
If you read this, if your eyes are passing over this right now (even if we don't speak often), please post a comment with a COMPLETELY MADE-UP, FICTIONAL "memory" of you and me. It can be anything you want - good or bad - BUT IT HAS TO BE FAKE.

When you're finished, post these two paragraphs on your blog and be surprised--or mortified--about what people DON'T ACTUALLY remember about you.
Current Mood: tired

18th December 2005

9:56pm: My First Journal Entry---Why Not My Favorite Poem?
So here is my favorite two-voice poem that I have ever written. If you are insulted by anything that it involves...I can't say that I'm sorry. It is a rant...and how I feel. It is supposed to be written in three columns...but since I am quite lazy...i combined it into one long rant. It still gets the point across...and I hope you like it. If you do...let me know!

How dare you scoff at me
And turn up your nose
Because I’m not wearing
Abercrombie clothes.
Is there some sort of law
Against a t-shirt and jeans
In the fantasy world
Where you are
Queen?
Bee of the roost
Put my neck in the noose.
There’s no way in Hell I’m bowin’
To the goddess of preps
When you can’t even make a sentence
With cerebral depth
It looks like to me
You could use Twelve Steps
Airheads Anonymous
For the intellectually inept
Loser Loser Double Loser
As if Whatever Get the Picture
Duh
I’ll BRB
OIC
LOL
Well g2g
And last but not least
Much l-u-v
The English language
Has never seen such
Abuse
Is one way to define your ways
When you treat us like slaves
While you sit on your high horse
Or is it the pony
You lamented about for days
Until Daddy caved in
And bought anyway?
Well, I’m one person
Who won’t give in
To your childish cries
And compulsive lies.
Because as your soul dies,
Mine sprouts wings and flies
To a world that you
Will never
See
My world of truth
And honesty
Where you’re free to be
Who you wanna be:
A dork, a nerd
A StarWars freak
A Slipknot fan or
Simple Plan or
Hot Hot Heat
Just feel the beat
Of your own
Drum
I can tell by the dumbfounded
Look on your face
That you’ll never comprehend
Why I rant to no end.
Was my pace too bamboozling
Do you understand the words I’m using?
Wait!
Do I have to start all over again?
Does the prideful stupidity never end?
How can you sincerely ask
Why can’t we just be friends?

So, there it is...my first LJ. Woo!
Current Mood: mellow
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